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Are you judg”ey”?

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Is judg”ey” an actual word? Not sure. To me it means that you may judge something or someone in a lessor context than being fully judgemental.

For example:

Judg”ey” ~ “That girl’s lip injections make her look like a duck”.

“Judgemental” ~ No one should inject their lips because it looks fake and disfigures what God created. Either statement is a form of negativity and negative expression.

Generally, people that make judg”ey” or judgemental comments are not secure in who they are and build themselves up by tearing others down. They seek the approval of their judg”ey” remarks by people with same opinions and self esteem issues.

We live in a country that allows exceptional freedoms and we as humans are gifted with free will. That gift is priceless.

That free will allows people to do, speak and live as they see fit. That doesn’t mean you have to agree or condone anyone else’s choices.

With the ever growing push for acceptance of all people, from all backgrounds, wouldn’t it be helpful, if we stopped and replaced a judg”ey” comment with a positive one or didn’t say anything at all?

My Mom was forever repeating a few catch phrases when I was growing up and at the time her words went in one ear and out the other. But now, I can truly appreciate their simple wisdom.

“If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

“Do unto others, as you wish them to do unto to you.”

Can you imagine a world like that?

Consider a self challenge and refrain from saying anything judg”ey” for 21 days. When those judg”ey” thoughts arise find and replace them with a positive about that person/situation or even something positive in your life, like your health, family, etc. to avoid speaking the judgement.

Your personal relationships, especially with your partner and children will benefit the most from this practice. Loving someone unconditionally means that you don’t judge them. You are accepting. Don’t be afraid to positively share necessary constructive feedback and guidance with your partner/children regarding certain behaviors. That guidance is priceless when also modeled.

Rules are in place for everyone’s protection and to circumvent anarchy. If someones behaviors/beliefs are not going to cause you or anyone else harm, what gives you the right to be judg’ey” or judgemental?

Nothing.

L. K. Rossi

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compatibility dating dating advice Leah's Real Life love marriage relationship relationships Relationships and love

TABOO TOPICS

No…it’s not sex

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What are the two taboo topics that should not to be discussed when dating someone new?  Religion and politics.  Why should it be considered “forbidden” to discuss these subjects during the first few dates?

Most people are very “set on”  their religious and political beliefs.  So it seems unwise not to find out what a potential partner’s beliefs are on these very important issues.   Why waste time dating someone that you are not compatible with on matters that are so polarized?  Why not find out before or during the first few dates if your ideals and values match up?

Most dating sites have both religion and politics as focused areas on their dating “profiles” so you can determine if you want to select that person to date.  While scrolling profiles you can see where someone’s beliefs lie whether it is liberal, moderate, green party, conservative, atheist, agnostic, Jewish, Christian, etc.

Many people consider religious views before even dating someone.  For example, a devout Christian might find it very difficult to be an atheist.  Religion can be a deal breaker.  Large gaps in beliefs may create conflict.   Some religions won’t even consider blending for marriage.  Wherever your beliefs lie, it is the conviction and strength behind them that will ultimately affect your outcome. 

This also applies to politics.  Some people will not consider being a relationship with someone who doesn’t share their political values or agenda.  What is the most media covered topic?  Politics.  Introduce your right-winged great-grandpa who served in WWII to your bleeding-heart-liberal-feminist best friend and watch the sparks fly!  Depending on individual beliefs and roots, politics can be a dividing line like the North and South in Gone with the Wind. 

The stigma should be removed when dating in addressing both religion and politics, as overall compatibility is the foundation to a solid and long lasting relationship, 

Discussing religion and politics at parties should still remain “off the table” topics in order to avoid offending or upsetting others with varying viewpoints.

However, your dating and relationship life is not a dinner party, so if your religious and political beliefs are unwavering, discussing these values upfront will give you the opportunity to make informed decisions for your future.

Leah Kay Rossi (copyright 2021)

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Relationships and love

Power Struggles

Probably not the ones you are thinking of…

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Living with someone, whether you are married or not requires an enormous amount of patience, perseverance and flexibility.  No matter how “in love” you may be, there are bound to be topics that can create power struggles.

Here are a few examples;

Temperature – whether it is too hot or too cold

Windows open – windows closed

Lighting – too bright or not enough light

TV Shows to watch or not watch

Household chores – share of the workload being balanced

The list could go on and on.  What is touched on here appears minimal compared to more serious relationship issues.  However, when there is a constant need for one or both partners to have “things” there way, it can become a power struggle.   Some sort of compromise should be made when these situations arise or one person may feel as though the relationship is a dictatorship. 

Generally, one person is more adaptable in a relationship and will naturally make concessions.  But, if that generosity is taken for granted, resentment may set in.

A typical conflict that can create a power struggle for many couples is temperature.  Men usually run hotter than women.  To address this matter in my own relationship, when he is running hot, the ceiling fan over our bed goes on a timer, so it shuts off when the temperature drops at night.  While the fan is running, I add an additional blanket.  Another issue is lighting.  I am hyper light sensitive and need time to adjust to bright light in the morning.  The compromise is that the drapes are opened slightly until my eyes adjust, then I open the drapes up completely. 

Another compromise is the even and odd day of the week solution.  For example:  Even days of the month the windows are open and odd days the windows are closed. 

Compromise can be reached all on topics if both parts are willing to give and take.  If one person is always set in stone, the other person may need to decide whether or not to adapt, adjust without resentment, live with resentment or leave. 

There are much larger struggles that will arise in relationships like money and children.  If you can’t compromise on issues like temperature and chores, what will happen when more serious problems arise?

Take an inventory of the issues you and your partner consistently struggle with and take the time to make compromises together.  In doing so you will deepen your communication skills and create more balance in your partnership.

Leah Kay Rossi

(copyright 2021)