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Relationships and love

Don’t pretend

When something disconcerting, hurtful or wrong occurs in your relationship, there are usually are three options that arise.

1. Acknowledge event, but don’t address it
2. Acknowledge and address the event
3. Pretend it didn’t happen and act like you are fine when you aren’t

The healthiest choice would be number two, acknowledge and address the event. However, it is the manner in which you do this that can ultimately affect the outcome.

Generally, when we’re hurt our emotions take over and our response could vary from anger to being withdrawn. When acknowledging something painful and addressing it with the person that has hurt you can be difficult at best. The key is to address the event itself and not attack the person.

If necessary, wait to address the person and event until you have time to process all of the emotions and circumstances. Sometimes things aren’t always as they seem.

Once you’re in a place to have the necessary conversation, it’s helpful to be in a neutral space, plan for enough time and privacy.

Try and place yourself in the other person’s shoes as you discuss how you feel and why. It’s important to think about how you would want somebody to address you, if you were the one that created the hurt. This is not to minimize the event, but to have beneficial, helpful communication so that the event or behavior is not repeated.

Options number one and three, acknowledgment without addressing and pretending the hurt didn’t happen, only ultimately hurts you.

Healthy relationships thrive on open, constant, mature communication. No partner is perfect, there are bound to be misunderstandings and hurts. The key is that both partners are willing.

Leah Kay Rossi

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TABOO TOPICS

No…it’s not sex

Photo by Sasith Mawananehewa on Pexels.com

What are the two taboo topics that should not to be discussed when dating someone new?  Religion and politics.  Why should it be considered “forbidden” to discuss these subjects during the first few dates?

Most people are very “set on”  their religious and political beliefs.  So it seems unwise not to find out what a potential partner’s beliefs are on these very important issues.   Why waste time dating someone that you are not compatible with on matters that are so polarized?  Why not find out before or during the first few dates if your ideals and values match up?

Most dating sites have both religion and politics as focused areas on their dating “profiles” so you can determine if you want to select that person to date.  While scrolling profiles you can see where someone’s beliefs lie whether it is liberal, moderate, green party, conservative, atheist, agnostic, Jewish, Christian, etc.

Many people consider religious views before even dating someone.  For example, a devout Christian might find it very difficult to be an atheist.  Religion can be a deal breaker.  Large gaps in beliefs may create conflict.   Some religions won’t even consider blending for marriage.  Wherever your beliefs lie, it is the conviction and strength behind them that will ultimately affect your outcome. 

This also applies to politics.  Some people will not consider being a relationship with someone who doesn’t share their political values or agenda.  What is the most media covered topic?  Politics.  Introduce your right-winged great-grandpa who served in WWII to your bleeding-heart-liberal-feminist best friend and watch the sparks fly!  Depending on individual beliefs and roots, politics can be a dividing line like the North and South in Gone with the Wind. 

The stigma should be removed when dating in addressing both religion and politics, as overall compatibility is the foundation to a solid and long lasting relationship, 

Discussing religion and politics at parties should still remain “off the table” topics in order to avoid offending or upsetting others with varying viewpoints.

However, your dating and relationship life is not a dinner party, so if your religious and political beliefs are unwavering, discussing these values upfront will give you the opportunity to make informed decisions for your future.

Leah Kay Rossi (copyright 2021)