Have you ever been left wondering what went wrong in the demise of your relationship? Have you been blindsided when someone has broken up with you? Do you know if it one big issue or a combination of things that built up over time? Was it just lust and then no foundation? Wouldn’t you want to know so you could process, learn and grow?
Why not conduct a relationship exit interview?
Employers have been implementing this process for years gaining valuable information about employees, supervision, company vision and other insights.
My suggestion for this process is to wait a while after the initial break up to let emotions settle down. Then reach out to your ex and ask to meet in a neutral location to talk about what went wrong and why. This might be to their benefit as well.
They may or may not be willing, but if you don’t ask you won’t know. You can also go back to previous exes as well.
In delving into the past, you can see if any patterns present themselves in your behaviors or in the type of personality you are drawn to.
Maybe as a man you are drawn to very strong women because your Mom was, but in turn your Mom was also very critical of you. You may be unconsciously attracting a partner that belittles you. The next time you meet someone make sure they make you feel good about yourself, if not, they are not your person.
Asking your ex why they left you may seem masochistic as no one wants to hear about their faults or shortcomings, however it is how we learn and can adjust our behavior(s) if necessary.
My pattern was what I coined as “being a runner”. For me once an argument ensued I would shut down and leave. Every argument no matter the issue was the grounds to leave the relationship. This was incredibly unfair and unrealistic. My mentality was if I left first, I won’t get hurt.
Boundaries tend to be a very common relationship tanking issue. Boundaries with friends, family, co-workers, and money are just a few.
There could be a variety of reasons why your relationship could have failed but being willing to find out and make improvements takes maturity.
Why not give a Relationship Exit Interview a try?