When something disconcerting, hurtful or wrong occurs in your relationship, there are usually are three options that arise.
1. Acknowledge event, but don’t address it
2. Acknowledge and address the event
3. Pretend it didn’t happen and act like you are fine when you aren’t
The healthiest choice would be number two, acknowledge and address the event. However, it is the manner in which you do this that can ultimately affect the outcome.
Generally, when we’re hurt our emotions take over and our response could vary from anger to being withdrawn. When acknowledging something painful and addressing it with the person that has hurt you can be difficult at best. The key is to address the event itself and not attack the person.
If necessary, wait to address the person and event until you have time to process all of the emotions and circumstances. Sometimes things aren’t always as they seem.
Once you’re in a place to have the necessary conversation, it’s helpful to be in a neutral space, plan for enough time and privacy.
Try and place yourself in the other person’s shoes as you discuss how you feel and why. It’s important to think about how you would want somebody to address you, if you were the one that created the hurt. This is not to minimize the event, but to have beneficial, helpful communication so that the event or behavior is not repeated.
Options number one and three, acknowledgment without addressing and pretending the hurt didn’t happen, only ultimately hurts you.
Healthy relationships thrive on open, constant, mature communication. No partner is perfect, there are bound to be misunderstandings and hurts. The key is that both partners are willing.
Leah Kay Rossi