Tag: common sense

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Relationships and love

Don’t pretend

When something disconcerting, hurtful or wrong occurs in your relationship, there are usually are three options that arise.

1. Acknowledge event, but don’t address it
2. Acknowledge and address the event
3. Pretend it didn’t happen and act like you are fine when you aren’t

The healthiest choice would be number two, acknowledge and address the event. However, it is the manner in which you do this that can ultimately affect the outcome.

Generally, when we’re hurt our emotions take over and our response could vary from anger to being withdrawn. When acknowledging something painful and addressing it with the person that has hurt you can be difficult at best. The key is to address the event itself and not attack the person.

If necessary, wait to address the person and event until you have time to process all of the emotions and circumstances. Sometimes things aren’t always as they seem.

Once you’re in a place to have the necessary conversation, it’s helpful to be in a neutral space, plan for enough time and privacy.

Try and place yourself in the other person’s shoes as you discuss how you feel and why. It’s important to think about how you would want somebody to address you, if you were the one that created the hurt. This is not to minimize the event, but to have beneficial, helpful communication so that the event or behavior is not repeated.

Options number one and three, acknowledgment without addressing and pretending the hurt didn’t happen, only ultimately hurts you.

Healthy relationships thrive on open, constant, mature communication. No partner is perfect, there are bound to be misunderstandings and hurts. The key is that both partners are willing.

Leah Kay Rossi

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Are you judg”ey”?

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Photo by EKATERINA BOLOVTSOVA on Pexels.com

Is judg”ey” an actual word? Not sure. To me it means that you may judge something or someone in a lessor context than being fully judgemental.

For example:

Judg”ey” ~ “That girl’s lip injections make her look like a duck”.

“Judgemental” ~ No one should inject their lips because it looks fake and disfigures what God created. Either statement is a form of negativity and negative expression.

Generally, people that make judg”ey” or judgemental comments are not secure in who they are and build themselves up by tearing others down. They seek the approval of their judg”ey” remarks by people with same opinions and self esteem issues.

We live in a country that allows exceptional freedoms and we as humans are gifted with free will. That gift is priceless.

That free will allows people to do, speak and live as they see fit. That doesn’t mean you have to agree or condone anyone else’s choices.

With the ever growing push for acceptance of all people, from all backgrounds, wouldn’t it be helpful, if we stopped and replaced a judg”ey” comment with a positive one or didn’t say anything at all?

My Mom was forever repeating a few catch phrases when I was growing up and at the time her words went in one ear and out the other. But now, I can truly appreciate their simple wisdom.

“If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

“Do unto others, as you wish them to do unto to you.”

Can you imagine a world like that?

Consider a self challenge and refrain from saying anything judg”ey” for 21 days. When those judg”ey” thoughts arise find and replace them with a positive about that person/situation or even something positive in your life, like your health, family, etc. to avoid speaking the judgement.

Your personal relationships, especially with your partner and children will benefit the most from this practice. Loving someone unconditionally means that you don’t judge them. You are accepting. Don’t be afraid to positively share necessary constructive feedback and guidance with your partner/children regarding certain behaviors. That guidance is priceless when also modeled.

Rules are in place for everyone’s protection and to circumvent anarchy. If someones behaviors/beliefs are not going to cause you or anyone else harm, what gives you the right to be judg’ey” or judgemental?

Nothing.

L. K. Rossi