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Are you judg”ey”?

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Is judg”ey” an actual word? Not sure. To me it means that you may judge something or someone in a lessor context than being fully judgemental.

For example:

Judg”ey” ~ “That girl’s lip injections make her look like a duck”.

“Judgemental” ~ No one should inject their lips because it looks fake and disfigures what God created. Either statement is a form of negativity and negative expression.

Generally, people that make judg”ey” or judgemental comments are not secure in who they are and build themselves up by tearing others down. They seek the approval of their judg”ey” remarks by people with same opinions and self esteem issues.

We live in a country that allows exceptional freedoms and we as humans are gifted with free will. That gift is priceless.

That free will allows people to do, speak and live as they see fit. That doesn’t mean you have to agree or condone anyone else’s choices.

With the ever growing push for acceptance of all people, from all backgrounds, wouldn’t it be helpful, if we stopped and replaced a judg”ey” comment with a positive one or didn’t say anything at all?

My Mom was forever repeating a few catch phrases when I was growing up and at the time her words went in one ear and out the other. But now, I can truly appreciate their simple wisdom.

“If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

“Do unto others, as you wish them to do unto to you.”

Can you imagine a world like that?

Consider a self challenge and refrain from saying anything judg”ey” for 21 days. When those judg”ey” thoughts arise find and replace them with a positive about that person/situation or even something positive in your life, like your health, family, etc. to avoid speaking the judgement.

Your personal relationships, especially with your partner and children will benefit the most from this practice. Loving someone unconditionally means that you don’t judge them. You are accepting. Don’t be afraid to positively share necessary constructive feedback and guidance with your partner/children regarding certain behaviors. That guidance is priceless when also modeled.

Rules are in place for everyone’s protection and to circumvent anarchy. If someones behaviors/beliefs are not going to cause you or anyone else harm, what gives you the right to be judg’ey” or judgemental?

Nothing.

L. K. Rossi

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The 8 Second Rule for Relationships

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You can use 7, 8 or 10 seconds, whatever it takes to get you to slow down and think before reacting.  Reacting can include speaking, facial expressions (frowning), body language (like rolling your eyes) and reflex physical movement (waving arms).  Taking the time to pause, breathe and think first, can make all the difference in the world. 

When you respond too quickly, you run the risk of saying or doing something you may regret.  Our personal relationships can suffer the most when instantaneous reactions come before thinking them through.

The next time you are facing a confrontation, an argument or hard to handle news, try to stop for those 8 seconds and think about what you are feeling and why.  Before replying think clearly if what you are about to say will be helpful or hurtful. 

Putting yourself in the other’s persons shoes can also bring needed perspective. Most of the time, the upset or angry person is mad at themselves too.  Their frustration may be thrust in your direction even if you are not the root cause.

Empathy can help play a large role in perception.  Instead of becoming defensive, think of what the main issue might truly be.  Reaching out with comfort and genuine listening can defuse a negative situation and potentially turn it positive. 

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Who’s whispering in your ear?

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Is it an angel or the devil?

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Usually, I would post a relationship related article, but today I just need to write out what is in my head. 

First of all, I am blessed with health and the health of my family and close friends.  I have a roof over my head, food and a job.

What I am struggling with is the amount of pressure and unrealistic expectations of my workplace, the seemingly never-ending loss of freedoms and the overall depressing gloom of 15+ months of COVID.  

With the understanding that everyone has been under some sort of pressure since COVID and many people have lost loved ones, it pains me to even think about my “issues”. 

That is why the struggle becomes even harder, knowing that my problems are not as important as others.

It feels as though I am not entitled to feel poorly, down or frustrated because I haven’t endured a loss of life due to COVID.

The push and pull is relentless like the devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other both speaking to me at once.

The angel says “yes” you have the right to feel those negative feelings, just don’t drown in them and then the devil says “no” you don’t, stop whining, complaining and suck it up!

As I am trying to juggle these feelings and the ceaseless demands, it became apparent that there must be others who are feeling like me.

If you are, this is the part where “self-care” is supposed to be suggested.  With that, yes “self-care” is a powerful and helpful tool, but I would like to add that just acknowledging your feelings as valid will help too.  It helped me to just own my feelings and work through them instead of denying myself the right that they exist.

Be good to yourself, use self-care, vent, release and tell that devil to shut up.

Leah Kay Rossi

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TABOO TOPICS

No…it’s not sex

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What are the two taboo topics that should not to be discussed when dating someone new?  Religion and politics.  Why should it be considered “forbidden” to discuss these subjects during the first few dates?

Most people are very “set on”  their religious and political beliefs.  So it seems unwise not to find out what a potential partner’s beliefs are on these very important issues.   Why waste time dating someone that you are not compatible with on matters that are so polarized?  Why not find out before or during the first few dates if your ideals and values match up?

Most dating sites have both religion and politics as focused areas on their dating “profiles” so you can determine if you want to select that person to date.  While scrolling profiles you can see where someone’s beliefs lie whether it is liberal, moderate, green party, conservative, atheist, agnostic, Jewish, Christian, etc.

Many people consider religious views before even dating someone.  For example, a devout Christian might find it very difficult to be an atheist.  Religion can be a deal breaker.  Large gaps in beliefs may create conflict.   Some religions won’t even consider blending for marriage.  Wherever your beliefs lie, it is the conviction and strength behind them that will ultimately affect your outcome. 

This also applies to politics.  Some people will not consider being a relationship with someone who doesn’t share their political values or agenda.  What is the most media covered topic?  Politics.  Introduce your right-winged great-grandpa who served in WWII to your bleeding-heart-liberal-feminist best friend and watch the sparks fly!  Depending on individual beliefs and roots, politics can be a dividing line like the North and South in Gone with the Wind. 

The stigma should be removed when dating in addressing both religion and politics, as overall compatibility is the foundation to a solid and long lasting relationship, 

Discussing religion and politics at parties should still remain “off the table” topics in order to avoid offending or upsetting others with varying viewpoints.

However, your dating and relationship life is not a dinner party, so if your religious and political beliefs are unwavering, discussing these values upfront will give you the opportunity to make informed decisions for your future.

Leah Kay Rossi (copyright 2021)